El Valle. Panama March 5/2019
First time writing an entry for Panama and my pen is already running out.
I have been here already for 2 weeks but have been incredibly sheltered. I have been freaking out about going to Colon, which I stupidly booked without any research.
Last night i was having an internal panic attack (stupid iteration because all panic is internal, in your head). I could not decide on what to do because most people I talked to about travelling to Colon said I shouldn’t go because it is so unsafe and there’s really not much to see.
I also met an older couple (probably in their mid 30s) who told me they spent some time in Johannesburg and felt more safe there that they did in Colon.
So in the middle of the night I woke up with a fright, checked my locker for some reason and found that the door could be easily opened despite the lock was still in check.
As I got over the fright (after checking my stuff to make sure it was still there) I was getting back in my bed when i broke open a wound on my hand that was newly healed.
Typical of me I always end up hurting myself in one way or another.
In the end I have decided that I will head to Colon tomorrow, so as to only spend one night there. I am very excited to sleep in a bed alone.
Although I had the hotel experience in Ferrelion (Royal DeCameron- RDC) I was with my mom so it was a little by her schedule.
This hostel is great, right up my ally. Very hippie dippy and the play the most amazing music. El Valle is great because it is cooler at night to the point where people wear their sweaters.
From the small experience I had with Panama City (PC) it is also so different from the hustle I experienced there.
I have really felt out of sorts on this trip. Not only because I spent 11 days in a resort having everything handed to me but also because I stupidly did not think it was a big deal to travel on my Dutch passport. Hence why I needed to go to PC to get my Canadian passport renewed.
The whole reason I was flying on my Dutch passport is because I was lazy, vain, cheap and I thought that the renewal of my Canadian passport was too much for me for only going into Panama for a month. It’s no excuse I’m just so dim. But let's hope all goes well and i can get a new passport right before I leave on the 26th.
The silver lining is that it’ll say on the passport that it was made in Panama.
As I already stated my resort life was for sure Uber sheltered in comparison to actual backpacking. I forgot how anxious I get going to and from a place.
Plus I do not feel it is easy to navigate as it seemed to be travelling S.E.A.. I feel more out of sorts also because I feel communicating things get more lost in translation.
While my mom and I stayed in RDC I felt a huge lack of understanding because I do not know any Spanish. But I think I was also incredibly lucky to have my mom there because her Spanish knowledge is conversational at this point.
In RDC there was also an insane amount of Canadians there. To the point where they had built an airport just to accommodate the Canadian charter flights there.
Not to say there weren't a lot of domestic travellers there. People came from Colombia and such since it is Carnival at this present moment.
Because of this I felt that our resort was different from the others around there in Ferrelion. But who knows since neither my mom or I had ever done a resort experience.
So far I have only experienced the beach in Ferrelion, Playa Blanca. My mom and I also got to experience the Embera people in their community, which i found so special.
I became a bit overwhelmed with emotions when the tribe performed some dances for the tour group we were on. Just looking around at all the tourists who were mostly white filming this traditional dances on their phones and cameras I began to wonder if these Embera performers felt like zoo creatures.
Matt says I am too culturally sensitive when I told him and he made a good point that despite that these cultures may only be around for a little while longer (due to globalization and capitalism) we are preserving it in our documentation.
I am exhausted and its only 8….things have for sure changed since my S.E.A. Days.
Will add more about my Indigenous tour later,
Eva Monique McDonough
#panamazing
Isla Grande, Panama March 7/19 (cor.)
So I have finally arrived. I am so tired. That trip to get to his island really took it out of me. Also just being on high alert in Colon as well completely took it out of me. I can’t even speak properly it seems.
Interestingly enough I am completely disconnected from everything though, since there is no WIFI on this island. But we will see how long this shall last.
I feel bad because I told my parents and Matt that I would get in touch with them once I arrived and now I am going M.I.A. For the next 4 days in Isla Grande and 3 days in San Blas.
The hostel host told me she can hotspot me today or whenever she gets her SIM card so I am able to message my mom to let her know that I am safe.
We all know what happened when i went to Bali and couldn’t get WIFI connection for 3 days….my mom sent out basically an Amber Alert on my Facebook wall.
So just a quick story because I can't even properly think right now.
I was walking back to my hostel just now from what I assumed was the public beach (every dirty half beach filled with trash) and these two cute little girls came up to me pointing at my makeshift camera bag I got from the full moon party (FMP) in Koh Phangan. I kept asking what they were saying and they started touching my bag. I thought they were saying my bag was nice so i said ‘muy bonita’. They said ‘Adios’ to me and waved goodbye and left.
Getting back to the hostel I asked what they meant to the host. She said that they were probably asking for money.
Those girls were probably thinking ‘Stupid white girl.’
Adios muchachos,
EMM
#IslaGrandedisconnect
Isla Grande, Panama March 8/19
Last night I had a bit of a freak out.
I was having dinner (ramen noodles and tuna salad) with these German girls I had met here. They started asking me my plans to continue on my journey. I’m not sure if it is because I am too sensitive being alone right now or if I’m reading this one girl right. She was giving off this nasty vibe like the ones I’ve experienced in the past with catty girls.
The reason I was noticing it was because I was explaining to them my plans to stay in an AirBnB in San Blas next. I explained that the host of this AirBnB told me I would be staying in an Indigenous immunity on a beach hut but it wasn’t actually on the island of San Blas. These German were/are also going to San Blas next so they both were like ‘No that’s not a thing,’
The one catty vibes girl I swear was making comments about me in German to her friend. —As I write this out it seems crazy. Who would be so vindictive to someone you just met.
But fo sure I know she was giving me a look like I was stupid as the host of the accomidations was explaining to me he messag I got a few days ago from the host of the AirBnB in San Blas.
The host here is incredibly helpful (*I think I can hear her singing and playing guitar upstairs in the hostel* —>*Along with all the beautiful birds in harmony*).
She was saying to me that she has a fried who is a pilot and she is able to probably speak to him about catching a ride in his mini charter plane to this community since there is no other options for me to get there.
I was thinking that what i could do is take the bus to the mainland from Laguia to travel to San Blas pretty easily from there/here. Supposedly this is almost impossible because San Blas/this Indigenous community is close to Colombia while Isla Grande is basically over (north) of PC.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like I keep messing everything up in my travel plans. First its the passport. Well really first it was cutting my finger really deeply (losing a bunch of skin) before my mom and I even left. Then it was Colon after the passport (my third fuckup). Now its the whole thing with San Blas (making it my forth).
**The host here just came by and was explaining to me that I am moving upstairs ( I think to these private rooms/that part of the house) because I am sleeping currently in a private room for 4—interesting!
The host asked me how I slept and I told her about not sleeping that well since I was stressing about the San Blas islands. She told me not to worry in that laid back latino hippie fashion.
I just can’t get out of my mind the impression I got from that German girl. The way she reacted to my whole situation was just not kosher I felt. It’s really amazing how much trauma and damage still remains with me after being bullied repeatedly throughout my adolescence. I feel the bullying I experienced for three or more months in grade 6 was the most impactful.**
I was freaking out so much last night I sent Matt and my mom a text explaining that I thinkin I’ll be looking to change my flight home to a sooner date. That is if this whole San Blas thing does not work out.
I am just completely over it even though I have only been alone for 4 days now. My mom left for Toronto on the 4th and I am about to cry almost every sinceday on a regular basis.
This was the kicker. After hearing this about San Blas I am over it. Especially after my trip to Isla Grande. I thought I was going to be stabbed and robbed.
I’ll explain more later. Coffee time now!
Stressed & Tearful,
EMM
#firstworldproblems
Isla Grande (restaurant El Buca nero). March 8/19
Just spent the past few hours trying to determine if I should stay at the AirBnB I had already booked or if I will be charged. I have 48 hours so hopefully when I get back to the hostel the host will be able to hotspot with me so I will be able to cancel my booking in time.
**Sitting in this beautifully simple restaurant right next to the ocean overlooking the Black Jesus pinned to a cross in the middle of the water.
Ordered the octopus which came with coconut rice and plantains (plus coleslaw). It is probably the best thing I have eaten so far here.
Everyone thinks I’m a funny white tourist cuz I am taking pictures of my meal. **
I hate that I get in my head and think everyone is judging me> How incredibly egotistical to think people are even giving me a thought.
I reencountered the German girl I wasn’t vibing with and she and her friend both admitted to being nervous about their travels to San Blas themselves so I was probably projecting her own nerves onto my own. She seemed perfectly lovely otherwise.
As well I spoke to a British girl this morning at breakfast and she explained to me that she met another Canadian who had the exact same situation happen to them wth their dual citizenship.
I think I just miss Matt so much right now really. This was supposed to be our trip. Really Mexico but still plans intensely changed after he stole from me and we both came to the realization that he has a problem with alcohol and really any sensation seeking parts of his personality and neurochemistry.
This is why he went to AA and is still in gambling programs. I just worry that me not being there h is back to basics and lying to me. There’s no one in our apartment now to monitor him and Wilson certainly is not going to snitch. Wilsons too adjusted to Matt’s neglect.
AKA I do not trust Matt as far as I can throw him.
It’s all coming together,
EMM
#lunchwithjesus
Isla Grande, Panama March 9/19
It all coming together.
I’m still not sure if it's me, my age or the affects of Matt stealing from me, but I feel so incredibly vulnerable I could not sleep at all last night. I was freaking out because I thought someone was stealing from my locker since it is downstairs, even though I have changed rooms (to the upstairs).
Same thing happened in El Valle. Even though both bookings are in these incredibly friendly hippy atmosphere I just keep worrying that I am going to be fucked (and not in that good way).
Matt and I need to see a couples counsellor when I get back. Not only for our relationship because I love him and can’t imagine a world without his support, company and love but also because I am coming to realize how his actions have really fucked me up.
In a way I should thank him for making me more weary of people. I do not enjoy the extent to which I fear others taking advantage of me. I should have come to realize that it is impractical to trust people on my own and not been thrown into this harsh truth as I have been, which feels as though I have been slowly thrown off an ever-mounting cliff.
Matt has made some pretty amazing efforts I feel to rectify his behaviour and has really shown me how he is willing to try and work on our relationship. Despite the fact that I always have been struggling with him, he has never appreciated how much I do for us to be at the position we are in. I am really hoping that he will verbalize and figure out how. He needs to start being appreciative towards my invisible labours of love.
But we keep coming back to the same thing, I do not trust him.
I know in my heart of hearts he is at home just working and taking on the (somewhat) full responsibilities of Wilson. In the back of my mind, though, there’s this fear that he again is fucking me oover and making me look like a fool. I worry and hurt knowing there’s a full possibility that he is pulling the wool over my eyes again (as he has done this past year one too many times). I am so worried he is at home not caring for our dog, Wilson, and is drinking, gambling and using other sensation seeking substances.
….But this trip is about me. About me trying to reconnect with myself. This is my graduation trip and I should try to leave these worries back in Toronto.
Harder said (written) than done though I guess.
So yesterday after I ate that wonderful meal I came back to the hostel and was able to hotspot with my host for a few minutes to make sure no one was worrying about me.
As well I was able to get a full refund (minus the service charge) on my AirBnBin San Blas.
What a relief that feeling was. I was feeling so incredibly lost and pathetic having made my what 4th fuck up.
Thankfully this troop of women from Bristol took me under their wings. They are coming from a tribal festival that just happened in Panama. I think it's very cool they live in a caravan lot and are all artists. They perform in very sex positive, sexualized drag outfits. They are incredibly free and liberated when it comes to sexuality and feminism. They ooze power.
Right up my ally, although I think I come across as this virginal good girl since they keep apologizing for the things they’ll say around me. Well not so much apologize but more assume I’m thinking they are vulgar but really I’m in awe.
So I was having a conversation with one of the women about sending desperate messages to family and friends once you have reached a slight breaking point in your travels. It was so nice to hear that she had also done the same thing I did the other night when I got here and had also sent worrisome messages to her parents. Then another one of the women chimed in that she had also gone through the same thing.
It’s nice knowing I am not alone in my travel blues.
The host this morning told me that she could organize my trip to San Blas from here so I will be spending two nights in PC once I’m done here on the 11th. This will give me time to maybe figure out what to do in San Blas —>after San Blas and for a week till my flight home on the 26th.
I am sorta thinking of heading home after I am done in San Blas because I am not too sure where else to go after that especially since I will be transported to and from San Bas VIA PC. As well, I think the country is sorta over inhabited with these tribal travellers. I heard because of this Portobello is overbooked.
It feels as though I will be looping in circles should I do that, going to Portobello.
After I sent those messages to Matt and my mom freaking out they both responded in such calm and reassuring ways. Both of their messages were so reassuring but they were also so confident in my abilities in decision making.
I feel this is another reason this trip is very important. Being such an indecisive, complacent person I really have to go with my instinct. This is the reason really why those 4 fuck ups really insulted my being to the core.
EMM
#introspectivejourney
Panama City, Panama March 12/19
Back in PC. I’ll be stopping back here a couple more times, just because to get anywhere it seems you really need to go from PC. Although I’m sure I’m looping around unnecessarily.
Yesterday’s journey to PC from Isla Grande was pretty hectic. Thankfully I was doing it with a group of festival goers who I met at my hostel (the couple from Red Rash Inn—the Bristol drag troop, this Chec, and Dutch guy).
We went from the island to the port in L Guayra by boat, got into a chicken bus to head to Sabanitas where we were to grab an express bus to PC.
Our chicken bus was overpacked and we needed to stand in the aisle all the way to Sabanitas, which would have taken us a good hour. Our driver was going so fast and the girls from Bristol said he was slamming on the gears so our bus broke down halfway through.
We decided to hitch a ride on a taxi truck but there were too many of us in the cab so halfway through our ride Kuba (the Chec) and I went onto the truck hitch and were holding on for dear life in the back.
Getting to Sabanitas we sat on the side of the highway waiting for our express bus, all excited to finally sit down for a bit.
I guess its since we took off on a Monday everything was packed full of commuters going to and from work and school. Our express bus was so full we all had to stand right next to the driver. We were completely in the way of everyone getting off the bus before PC.
I thankfully was able to sit on one of the half walls at the head of the bus. In all honesty resting like that really fucked with my hips. Thankfully this middle aged Panamanian offered to store my backpack in front of her.
Finally after standing in transit for nearly 5 hours we arrived in PC. The Dutch guy, Eric and I split a cab to our hostels.
I am off to San Blas tomorrow. It was all arranged through the hostel host, Justina, in Isla Grande. So kind and accomidating. I gave her some candy that I’ve been carrying around with me since the beginning of my trip. She was so happy to receive a gift she gave me her number and told me if anything comes up I should call her.
After San Blas I am hoping I can spend one more night in this hostel in PC. Following this I have booked another 4 nights in Santa Catalina. Not really excited because I’ve heard there's a lot of Canadians there. I’m just being snooty though.
I hopefully then will figure out what to do after/when I’m there.
I was thinking Isla Tobago or going back to Portobello because I really didn’t see anything of it and the festival people should be gone by then.
But I also want to make sure I get my passport from the Canadian embassy. They are not open on weekends so I am really only leaving the day before my trip to grab it.
Even though I’m going to come back to PC a couple more times I still feel as though I should go out and discover the city.
I went out and checked out the neighborhood yesterday but I need to get out of the richie rich neighbourhood the hostel is in.
I've also got massive acne coming out on my forehead which never really happens unless I am super stressed.
Spotty and overheated,
EMM
#excitedbutcomplaining
San Blas, Panama. March 14/19
This island that we arrived on yesterday in San Blas is picturesque. It feels as though you are on a deserted island. So the question comes up, if you were on a deserted island that was self-sufficient what is there to do to pass the time?
If this question was asked minus the self sufficiency I would straight up say you would tend to your needs, getting firewood, drinkable water and food. That would take care of most of the day and by the end night would creep up and you would be too exhausted to do anything else.
Not here though, I bought a gallon of drinkable water and the women on the island make all your meals.
So far I've had an hour nap yesterday, almost finished my book, tanned in the shade of a palm tree, swam a bit, broke my camera and by 7 pm i was in bed watching shows on my phone. I should have gone snorkeling yesterday but not 5 minutes before the boat was taking off I got my period. Thankfully I was prepared for this and brought my tampons and leak free undies so I’m not too keen on going out today as my flow is heavy.
So the question is what is there to do on a remote island?
I keep thinking about how romantic this island is and how much Matt would enjoy it here. But there's this really odd part of the San Blas islands that is wigging me out and I feel that Matt would find this all so offensive.
Arriving at the checkpoint I first saw these flags which put a bad taste in my mouth. They are red and yellow flags (like the Spanish flags) with multiple swastikas or singular representations of this emblem in the center. Plus the island hosts are wearing these shirts with the flag on it and it says 1925 Revolution Dulo or Duel.
The British guy I am rooming with was half joking when I asked him about the hateful emblems that were all over the island. I told him my theory that it was connected to the Spanish Nazi’s. In my mind this seems to make sense with my basic understanding of Hitler and the Nazi’s rise there was a Spanish Nazi reaction that happened before Germany.
I think about how this island/ or any of the islands really I would assume in San Blas would be so perfect for a honeymoon but then I’m put off by not understanding if these signs are hate symbols.
But really how could the Nazi movement come to such a remote island. Although the alternative symbol is just as unlikely to have made its way here. I still am hopefully holding out hope that somehow this Buddhist/Hindu symbol has somehow made its way across to Central America.
As my Spanish is so pathetic and I don't want to endanger myself being so far away from home I guess this will remain a mystery. On at least until I can possibly look into the Kuna people a bit more.
Look at me, I want to have solidly backed research and evidence before I am to assume any further. The little academic in me is very impressed.
So on the 12th, after I wrote in here, I found out that the Canadian embassy was not 10 minutes from my hostel. I decided that it would seem logical to get my brand spanking new passport. Saves myself from rushing around the day before I leave and is much more convenient to get it in the area then when I stay in the old town on my last trip to PC.
Plus I think then I can hopefully spend my last day in Panama at the Summit Municipal Park. Spend my day with the sloths and toucans rather than scurrying around the city frantically.
I left my bag and Canadian passports at the hostel I am staying at in PC (including the expired Canadian passport. Now I am carrying 3 passports with me throughout the last lag of my trip). I took all my cash with me minus the $50 I have stowed in my bra bag this whole trip.
Speaking of cash I looked at my checking funds and I only have US$275 left so I am hoping most places I stay and eat at now will take credit. I am fine in terms of having the money I just feel cautious about transferring money over with these unsecured wifis I've been on.
My mom told me that Liam was in Nicaragua and had a couple thousand stolen from his accounts that way. He got the money back but it just seems like such a big hassle I really don't want to deal with on top of the things I already need to deal with when I am home.
List of things to deal with at home:
Figure out finally the weird withdrawals on my Debit are dating back a few years ago. —>AKA finally make a police statement on it. They tried to get a hold of me this past summer once and couldn’t get to my voicemail because it was full.
Apply for graduation. —>AKA figure out the missing/overdraft payment at Ryerson.
Finally find out my grades for last term now that my account will not be on hold.
Find a part-time job/start volunteering
Figure out my skin issues, my eyesight, my mammogram, and see if I am due for a check-up/pap (smear as they call it in the UK). —>See if I still qualify for that mammogram test or if I fucked up and missed it.
Tell Marla and Heather my final grades (related to 2 and 3).
See if I can get extra seats to my graduation ceremony so Liam, Marla, and Heather can all attend.
This is stressing me out thinking about all the things I need to do at home.
On to fun lists.
People to buy presents for:
Matt (hot sauce, condiments, cooking products)
Jeff - thanking him for being my reference for my passport (shot glass)
Debbie - thanking her for being my reference (coffee)
Jackie (postcard)
Jared - to show him support in his recovery (something small and special)
I am really missing Matt and I guess I am very anxious about him being home alone left to his own devices. You can see it in my dreams for sure.
Last night I had a very vivid dream that he was doing heroin. I literally beat him up. Crying my eyes out when I found his track marks.
Obviously this was such a sad dream that I was still thinking about it. I want to cry every time I reflect on it but last night I wanted to get back into the dream because at least I could feel him as I was pushing and punching him.
As I said I have my period right now and we all know I get very horny when I am bleeding. I guess it's the knowledge that I am not pregnant that turns me on. That is not only apart of it though because sex while you are mentruating is so good.
If you know your partner chances are you don't need a condom and the blood acts as a natural lube.
I also find I am more aroused at everything, like I am just one big shell of nerves and every sensation is 10X better.
As you can tell I am really needing to have sex with something or someone.
I have to show restraints though and realize that this is the last leg of my trip. I can wait another two weeks, exactly.
But I’m bad. I know it's not cheating but I know that if Matt was doing this I would be so hurt.
The Brit and I are literally in a 10 person dorm just the two of us. He and I have bonded over being the only two English speakers on the island. So yesterday we had dinner and lunch just the two of us. Then we watched the sunset. It was all so innocent at first but then I mentioned to him one of the islanders were asking me about my friend (which I assume he meant the Brit) and I said I was on my own. I told this guy from Manchester (I really feel we didn’t exchange names but who knows at this point) about it and he said to me ‘Uh oh!’ And went on to tell me that he has played a fake husband before for a lot of women that he has travelled with in South America. So I told him I may take him up on that.
I then was asking about his 23 year old daughter as well as his age. Typical of me I asked him in my flirty manner how old I looked, always enjoying the responses I tend to receive. So I guess since I naturally come across in a flirty manner my intentions were misconstrued as a come on.
He then proceeded to ask me about what I missed most about Toronto, Matt and our relationship. All in all it was a pretty tame night.
This morning though we are both pretty flirty with each other. I was telling him about my travel journal from S.E.A and I think the whole knowledge of how many people I was with over there got us on a flirty tangent.
I would be so upset if I found out that Matt was doing anything of this kind while I’m gone. I’m sure I’m giving too much credit because he is a huge flirt and works with all these young girls at the Rosedale Diner. He also would be out with Morgan and John and I can see them all covering up and keeping each other in check when they are at bars.
So Alwyn (just found out the Brits name by asking for his social media info —> my little trick to find out peoples names as I am so bad with names in general) and I keep making these sexy comments about my harlequin romance journals. I feel as though it really kicked off when he asked me who was the best nation I had slept with. I explained to him how it was the Brits because I found all my experiences with them sexually were super kinky.
Alwyn’s respectful though since I think he can see how much I miss Matt. He even told me I should be good.I agreed with him as it was so close to the end of my trip. I feel slightly demeaned when he tells me this at the same time as it reminds me of how someone would placate a puppy.
When I asked Alwyn how old I looked he assumed I was 24 years old so I am hoping this whole looking a year older than his daughter will also keep things in check. But I really am in a different headspace then this adventure seeking alter ego I once was. The person I flirt about is not the person I am today.
How easy would it be to just give him a little kiss. But I would feel so horrible because as much as I worry about Matt’s fidelity and (mostly) his sobriety I feel in my heart that he is holding up his end of the ‘bargin’ and is really trying to show me how much he has changed.
Its hard though and really if I want to be childish and get back at him for all that he has done to me in the past year I should really just have stringless fun. It’s not like I was that hurt back in 2015 when he “was kissed” by some girl at the Wayhome music festival. He told me though and that’s the difference.
Not only were we at a different point in our relationship (not even a year in) but he told me as soon as it happened. I couldn’t tell Matt if I were to kiss someone or do something. As I write this I know it would be so hard to keep this from him as he is my best friend.
I feel on some level though my desires to ‘get back’ at him are somewhat warranted. Granted the gravity of the situation. I feel as though keeping this kind of secret would tear me up inside.
Consciously deciding to just flirt,
EMM
#hornyballofconflictingemotions
*On route from PC to Sona* March 16/19
I’m so happy I didn’t do anything with Alwayn. When I saw Matt's face last night on our video chat in PC I was so happy. I could see in the little panel with your face that I was gleaming. He even noticed by telling me how good I was looking.
I love him so much. He makes me so incredibly happy and I feel I can tell him everything.
But I won’t tell him about Alwyn’s actions on our last night in San Blas.
I just reread my entry on him being respectful but that night when he and I went to bed really early we both noticed how close we were to one another. That’s when his respectful behaviour really diminished.
I could see he was getting hard and wasn’t shy about it at all.
There was no privacy in this hut so I would try to change super fast in the corner with my back to him. I am pretty sure with my back turned towards him while I quickly pulled on my clothes was the big reason I could see how big he was.
He started pressuring me slightly to watch this sex tape he and his ex made. He also wanted me to see how erect he was. It seemed he was very proud to show me videos, photos, and any form of documentation of his dick.
I kept saying to him that as much as I wanted to have sex I couldn’t do that to Matt. If the roles were reversed and Matt was having these conversations I would be so hurt. So I told Alwyn that I was calling it and turned out the lights.
He kept saying stuff like I can't do anything anyways but the way he was saying it was no longer supportive like i initially thought. It was just so incredibly horn doggy.
That’s when he took off his shorts and was asking to have me look at him. I literally covered my eyes and told him this isn’t fair and I can't look. He started laughing and I guess because I was so distraught and frustrated I started breathing really deeply. I even told him I was doing some mindful meditation.
He walked through the centre isle between our beds brazen in his nudity. He really wanted me to look at it.
I lowered my hands momentarily and caught a glimpse of his massive erection in the moon light that seeped through the roof and window next to the exit. It was impressive. I appreciate seeing a beautiful member but not when it’s being shoved down your throat the way I felt Alwyn was doing that night.
At this point I turned on my Netflix and plugged myself off from him but he kept making comments. He was saying things like he wanted to touch himself and asking me if I wanted to watch. I just kept saying I can’t and if the roles were reversed with Matt this would seriously upset me.
When I put on my night mask I could hear him jerking himself off. It was so hot to hear but also incredibly off putting.
The next morning Alwyn and I got on separate buses to head back to PC. *A story for another time* At first when our vans passed one another we waved at each other but then we got to a pit stop when’re we could buy food or use the bano I realized who he really was.
There he was talking up this very young girl who was in the same bus as him. He didn’t even look up when I came into the superstore/gas station.
So I could see that all that earlier talk about how uncomfortable he would feel when his daughters friends would hit on him was really just a move. I also feel kind of sick because his daughter (if she exists) is closer to my age then he is and obviously he targets the young women he meets. It's this disposition and impression that isn’t after anything but kindness and some harmless flirting.
As soon as he didn’t get what he needed from me, to get off, he had no need to interact with me further since that’s all he knows he’s going to get. His own hand.
Still shocked and flabbergasted by how vile men can be,
EMM
#SanBlasperverts
